feeling much better today.

[2eclipse]

yesterday i went home early sick. i was better...just not better enough.

i stopped at the grocery store on the way home. partly because i wanted orange juice.
mostly because i had the horrifying idea that i might be pregnant....stomach ailments with no fever + skipped period = pregnant?
the truth is that i skip my period a lot. the gyn says this is normal when you've been on birth control as long as i have...but when that time of the month goes by with no incident i always freak out. it's my monitor on my status in a lot of ways. and while i'm not completely against having children, i am completely against having them now. we really can't afford to have kids right now, even if we were sure we wanted them.
which means going through pregnancy and the agony of adoption, give my married state and my convictions about faith. i don't think abortion is something no one should ever do, but given my situation, it's not something _I_ should do. which means putting up with everyones' congratulations and then telling them we're not keeping the baby; dealing with everyones' judgment about what we _should_ do, or where we _should_ be - except i took a test. i'm NOT pregnant. thank god.
but all these things run through you're head when you're having a scare. that's just the way it is. even though many co-workers have had the same thing. even though i wasn't primarily sick in the morning. even though i was sleeping like it's going out of style.
thank you god for humbling me in my arrogance. thank you god for not making me pregnant.

i went home. had some tea. finished my book. took a 6 hour nap.
couldn't go back to bed. had a shower. read some moby dick. had some warm milk with honey and ginger. slept like a baby.
i'm not 100% yet, but today feels very different. my co-worker tells me i'm still pale, but you can tell when the worst is over.

i should make it to dkn tonight, but i don't expect i'll drink much if anything. gaming tomorrow will still happen, but i'm not going to push to wake up early for it. hopefully i will be able to pick up a gift for ross on my way out tonight. we don't always make a big deal for valentines day, but i like to do something small at least.

the 2009 knit out is this weekend at the mall of gomorrah. i had a really good time last year, but i'm only planning on going one day this time. it is too exhausting to be there both days. corrin is supposed to meet me there if she feels better, and a bunch of ravelers are gathering for lunch. there are classes and a lot of give-aways...it should be good.

Comments

[rengetsu.livejournal.com]

have you ever thought about getting an IUD? I have one--it's awesome.

we don't make a big deal about v-day either :) I'd rather just sleep late and eat breakfast at cracker barrel, lol.

hope you feel better soon!

[2eclipse.livejournal.com]

...i guess i'm a little afraid of iud's....my understanding is that they have to be put in by a doctor/nurse every so often? i think i'm enough of a control freak that i'd rather just keep a spare test around to ease my freak out.
i'm on reliable birth control. it's not having my period that freaks me out...and my understanding is that an iud doesn't help with that?

[rengetsu.livejournal.com]

They have to be put in once, and it stays in for five years (the mirena does anyway). They just check to make sure it's in place (by locating the strings) during your annual gyno visit. Other than that, there isn't anything you have to do on a regular basis. it's just... there :)

an IUD will thin the lining in your uterus and thicken your cervical mucus as well as give out a low dose of hormones. It basically makes your uterus inhospitable for any would-be babies.

I had really light periods before I got one (~3-4 days long), and they gradually got lighter and lighter and now I only get them every so often. sometimes I just get some normal discharge and that's it.

for me it was the right choice and I don't regret it. If we decided to have kids tomorrow I would just have to make an appointment to get it taken out. The insertion/extraction is kind of a bitch though (they have to dilate you a couple of centimeters), but one day of discomfort/pain is worth it for 5 or so years of not having to worry about whether or not I'm accidentally pregnant.

[librissimma.livejournal.com]

I just got the paragard(?) IUD and it's good for at least 10 years. I've had it for about 10 days. I go back for a check-up in 5 weeks, but have been pleased so far. It's hormone free which is a bonus for the nursing mom or anyone impacted by the hormones of other BC methods.

The one negative for you is that it may also cause infrequent periods which may give into the pregnancy scare situation. That was my husband's worry with this method as he knows how my mind works, but at least I don't have to worry about having missed a pill or wonder if I'd gotten pregnant while nursing, which happened to friends of ours. She never got her period between pregnancies.

[rengetsu.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, is that a copper one? I haven't known too many who have those.

for me, it pretty much halted my periods all together. and even if an egg does get fertilized, the large plastic thing in the uterus keeps it from implanting (or that's what they told me anyway). the period-halting is normal though, and should resume once I take it out (uh, we'll see in 2010 though, ha).

did you check out the lj community iud-divas? it was helpful for me to hear others' experiences and get an idea of what to expect.

[librissimma.livejournal.com]

It is a copper one. Thanks for the info, I will check out the community since I'm curious and my body is so foreign to me these days anyway. I have no idea of what is normal and what isn't.

[rengetsu.livejournal.com]

I was 20 at the time I got mine and my parents were freaking out about it so I had to do a lot of research, lol. for some it's hard to find a doctor who will put one in someone who hasn't had a baby, but I think it's becoming more acceptable, although I did have to travel back home to a doctor that would do it for me. it's the most widely used form of BC elsewhere in the world---there was a scare back in the 60s or something with a very poorly designed IUD (it looked like some kind of invertibrate from the mesozoic era, seriously) causing hemorraghing and all sorts of unpleasantness. But, that was an old design, and I like the "T" design of today's IUDs :D

see, look at all the different designs! (the poorly designed one is on the right-hand side in the middle of the picture oog, there are lots of poorly designed ones in here, lol)


and I've read that with the copper IUD it's different than the hormonal one (for instance, you may experience heavier bleeding for some time). from wiki: "Among women who recently had sex and are not trying to become pregnant, 1.9% use IUDs in the United States, 6% in the United Kingdom and 20% in France. The IUD is the world's most widely used method of reversible birth control,[1] currently used by nearly 160 million women (just over two-thirds of whom are in China where it is the most widely used birth control method, surpassing sterilization)" I suppose it's good that the chinese are using this instead of forced sterilization... at least this is reversible...