the darkness has not overcome it

my back continues to cause me less pain for greater amounts of time. i am completely off the heavy drugs. i am mostly off the alleve.
even went to the gym yesterday and did a half-hour on the elliptical, cool down around the track and some short time with the weight machines. mostly i'm just avoiding twisting motions or heavy lifting.
good stuff.

it is a beautiful day today in the twin cities. it is predicted that today will be the first day reaching 80 degrees since last september. i really wanted to ride my bike to work today...but i need to take the time to fill my tires and get a bike lock that can handle the super-thick locking options i have at 3m. also i didn't get up early enough.
also savil needed some serious butt-trimming this morning(yuck). she didn't let me finish, but she is much less matted & stinky than previously. i think i'm going to need someone to hold her for me to finish.

the routine of working the same daily hours has been good for me to get back to. having a schedule stabilizes me a lot. i'm taking the down-time i need, but i've also been making a point of getting at least SOME chores done around the house every day. it is going a long way toward keeping me sane and keeping the house clean. especially since ross isn't around to help much.

he woke me at 4am this morning to tell me he had a great night at work and everything was coming together and he missed me. and bless him, i WANT him to wake me to tell me things like that. but i could NOT get back to sleep afterward, and i wasn't sleeping well BEFORE he woke me, so i'm feeling it today.

i had a long talk with ceci last night and then my parents.
it was good to re-connect with all of them. i have been so run-down by trying to do too much, and i have been neglecting the people i try to keep in contact with by phone. i miss ross, and i miss doing things with him, but i also feel like his being at work so much is giving me a chance to breathe. i think i need to figure out how to stop sacrificing my down-time so much, especially since he really doesn't need me to (he has said so). the distance gives me time to reflect. it just seems funny that i should need so badly to reflect on such basic things.
it isn't that i'm not being social though. returning long distance phone calls counts as social for me.
also i've been seeing lots of susan lately, which is lovely, going to knitting/spinning groups and today i am getting together with victoria, who i'm not sure i've mentioned before here. she's way cool. i met her on the knitting camping trip last fall. she just had her NINTH baby! most of her pregnancies happened while she was on birth control and there was one set of twins, so don't judge her as another octomom. also she's married and stable.
she's also very funny and creative and cool to be with. i quite like her.
tomorrow is getting together with marie for spinning/knitting whatever and saturday i will be hanging out with christa and ross before he has to go to work in the evening.

i am still enjoying gregory frost - i'm on his second shadowbridge book now, lord tophet. i continue to be pleased with this new find. they have some of the feel of neil gaiman's neverwhere - without neil's darkness. we'll see if this one ends better than the last one.

also i still have not seen watchmen and am put out about it. i was going to see it with ross, but he has no time now and every one else has already seen it.
i have been re-watching the 10th kingdom. the logical result of this is that i have THE TROLL version of saturday night fever going around in my head endlessly. i am simultaneously amused and annoyed.

that was my weekend.
all of the predicted people came over, and that went well. we entertained scott and heidi and the girls and went in the hot tub, and everyone liked the lasagna, which is awesome for 9-year-olds who don't normally like vegies.
saturday amy came over in the evening and i taught her to knit. we will see how much she remembers the next time i see her.
i got a GREAT deal of spinning done. 2 more skeins worth.
it is all slubby as desired. but i'm not at all sure of my consistancy.
which means that i can swatch all i want, i will still not be sure that the skeins will match up. the ruler test might help.
i am still pleased to have accomplished so much, and i may even have enough spun for one more skein, which would put me at 7 total. i got a spinning t-shirt at the gym when i was there last week. it is brown and blue and just says "spinning" on it. and i know that it means the kind you do on a bicycle, but i take great pleasure in the fact that i can mean it two ways.
i also made significant progress on my clapotis, which is very soft and blue and will go with lots of things. there is a part of me that wishes i had made it in a heavier yarn - say, worsted weight. but i suppose i can always make another one and give this one away if i feel it suits someone else better.

sunday ryan came over and...is doing terrible, but not bad for someone who is grieving. i am worried about him.

ross and i are trying to decide what to do with our tax return. a new microwave is definitely in the plans since the one we have is tempermental about when it wants to work. and getting the dishwasher fixed. but i am in favor of hanging onto it and just getting it repaired rather than replacing it so that we can make some more progress on the basement. we will also be getting a water softener for our shower. i am hoping this will be a big improvement.

work today is good in that i can pretty much zone out with my ipod and do busywork. but i'm already annoyed at one of my co-workers. she asks me how to do things and then goes and asks other people and does the easy thing rather than the right thing. i feel very impatient with that. if she doesn't want to do what i tell her, she shouldn't waste my time asking me.

we are supposed to get more snow this week. i'm not sure how much. i expect we will have several more snowfalls before spring is here for good. at least it is warmer.

it's friday!!!!

and i finally got to the gym last night for spinning class. i feel SO good. good enough that i woke before my alarm and increased to 100 crunches this morning. my sets are 20, so increasing by one set seems to work for me. we'll see if it lasts. the thing is that even if it isn't true, i FEEL skinnier after i work out.
love those endorphins. then i came home and didn't have to cook! eggplant parmesan is better the second day anyway. all i did was make salad.

i have made a new friend at work. her name is kate. we have talked via e-mail for about two weeks and i am hoping to set up a coffee date to meet her in person. she grew up on a hobby farm in virginia(near richmond), likes to carve wood, read science fiction and fantasy, and game. she sounds awesome.

my computer at home is officially kaput. the hard drive blew out again. i am seriously thinking there is something wrong with the computer that keeps eating hard drives. goddamn zombie computer eating its own brains...

tonight christa will either come over or we will work on the mantle.
tomorrow we will game with shawn and thistle and john and tessa and tim wheatly and adam cerling and maybe some other people. then susan will come over for dinner and we will see her for the first time in literally months. sunday we will go to montevideo to see ross's grandparents. it will be a very busy weekend. if i'm lucky i will squeeze in some knitting.

i don't have to work on the house tonight!

wednesday i signed up for a new class at the gym. straight up strength. and i lasted about 15 minutes. 15 minutes of solid squats! it reminded of rob holbrock's hard-core fencing exercises in college! my quads are still in a state of mutiny every time i get up from my chair.
after 15 minutes i packed up and went back to the locker room. so i GOT a great work out. just one much shorter than i anticipated.
in anycase i had more work when i got home.
somehow i had this INSANE idea that tidying up the electrical would be quick and simple.
shows how much i know.
we had a bunch of panels in the basement ceiling that needed covers - but the covers we had didn't fit. they had to be cut with a saw and drilled with the dewalt cordless. we also needed blanks and switch plates for the wall plates. we had to put box extenders in the bedroom outlets in case the inspector needed to visit the fuse box. a trip to home-depot took care of the bits we didn't have right after we dropped my car off for service. the fireplace needed an electrical hook-up as well.
then we also had to hang the new(used)star lamp in the stairway. it looks great there and casts all kinds of neat shadows on the stairs, but it also needs dusting on the inside. a big thanks to susan for finding it for us.
we finished about 9:30.

yesterday we picked up my car and moved all the furniture in the living room. i think it is going to look really sharp when the fireplace is complete. ross finally hooked up the surround sound when he was putting the entertainment system together again. lo and behold, the picture on the tv looks better! i'm not sure what it is, but when we finally got a chance to just sit and hang out and watch a movie at the end of the day, the picture was brighter and clearer. a very nice bonus to re-setting everything. :)
it felt like a miracle to not be working last night. i don't even remember the last time i did that.
next week will be a WHOLE WEEK that i can plan to DO THINGS in the evening! or simply choose to do nothing. this is very exciting.

today i will be driving to chicago to see the family directly after work. ross will not be coming with me as he needs to work this evening. six hours in the car with limited music options, as my ipod is still tempermental about when it decides it wants to behave. it will be great to see my folks, and skia and pbergson, but i am wary about what this weekend will bring. i have a feeling that some of the tensions that have been brewing between my immediate family and the rest of mom's side of the family may get ugly and public....with various possibilities for outcome. we'll see. there are many reasons for tension and with stress high?.....anything is possible. i hope that there is good resolution if a blow-out has to happen.
aunt kathy reports that grandpa seems better....but i'm not sure if this is wishful thinking or reality. i will know better after i see him tomorrow. please keep us in your prayers.

so the house is...a bit closer to being done.
friday night i went to the gym for spinning class...which had a different instructor and didn't kick my ass nearly as much as the first time i went. i'd like to think my muscles are in a bit better shape, but in reality it's probably just the change of style from the instructor.
regardless, i didn't get much done on the house since i was wiped and ross was working. i did get some knitting time in on my owl socks though.
( the socks got finished today. )


saturday ross and i started late, but made good time.
we cleared out what WILL be our bathroom, put in some electric and drywalled two of the walls, then cleaned up and put everything back in...after which i went and watched a movie with darla, who continues to be one of my favorite people in the area. her and her husband john both just rock my world.

today jory was supposed to come help us...but wound up having problems with one of his eyes and having to go to the doctor. reports today that he will be okay, but he can't see very well right now and shouldn't drive for a couple of days.
me being scared of heights and the ceiling needing to go up first....we didn't get as much done today as we hoped. we got one big ceiling piece up and one of the wall pieces and knocked down the other wall and cleaned it up so we can put clean drywall in. it's still progress, but not as much as we'd like.
john (did i mention he and darla are awesome?) volunteered for punishment to help out tomorrow so we'll see how much progress we get done this week.

( pics behind the cut! )