feeling much better today.

[2eclipse]

yesterday i went home early sick. i was better...just not better enough.

i stopped at the grocery store on the way home. partly because i wanted orange juice.
mostly because i had the horrifying idea that i might be pregnant....stomach ailments with no fever + skipped period = pregnant?
the truth is that i skip my period a lot. the gyn says this is normal when you've been on birth control as long as i have...but when that time of the month goes by with no incident i always freak out. it's my monitor on my status in a lot of ways. and while i'm not completely against having children, i am completely against having them now. we really can't afford to have kids right now, even if we were sure we wanted them.
which means going through pregnancy and the agony of adoption, give my married state and my convictions about faith. i don't think abortion is something no one should ever do, but given my situation, it's not something _I_ should do. which means putting up with everyones' congratulations and then telling them we're not keeping the baby; dealing with everyones' judgment about what we _should_ do, or where we _should_ be - except i took a test. i'm NOT pregnant. thank god.
but all these things run through you're head when you're having a scare. that's just the way it is. even though many co-workers have had the same thing. even though i wasn't primarily sick in the morning. even though i was sleeping like it's going out of style.
thank you god for humbling me in my arrogance. thank you god for not making me pregnant.

i went home. had some tea. finished my book. took a 6 hour nap.
couldn't go back to bed. had a shower. read some moby dick. had some warm milk with honey and ginger. slept like a baby.
i'm not 100% yet, but today feels very different. my co-worker tells me i'm still pale, but you can tell when the worst is over.

i should make it to dkn tonight, but i don't expect i'll drink much if anything. gaming tomorrow will still happen, but i'm not going to push to wake up early for it. hopefully i will be able to pick up a gift for ross on my way out tonight. we don't always make a big deal for valentines day, but i like to do something small at least.

the 2009 knit out is this weekend at the mall of gomorrah. i had a really good time last year, but i'm only planning on going one day this time. it is too exhausting to be there both days. corrin is supposed to meet me there if she feels better, and a bunch of ravelers are gathering for lunch. there are classes and a lot of give-aways...it should be good.

Comments

[rengetsu.livejournal.com]

have you ever thought about getting an IUD? I have one--it's awesome.

we don't make a big deal about v-day either :) I'd rather just sleep late and eat breakfast at cracker barrel, lol.

hope you feel better soon!

[librissimma.livejournal.com]

Oh, I had that baby scare many times back when we weren't going to have babies, but happily be DINKS forever, I know it well. I also struggled with the adoption option, but didn't even have the excuse of being newly married, or not financially stable enough. We were more stable at that time, then when we tried to conceive, since I'd already given up my career to join Aaron with all of his military moves. I may have still been teaching, but subs don't make 1/2 as much as a salaried teacher.

Anyway, I'm glad your feeling better. I suspect it was the Moby Dick that cured you.

Have fun at your knit out. I'm jealous, they don't have anything like that around here that I'm aware of and we have such great weather for that type of thing.