the darkness has not overcome it

that when i mistype dreamwidth it often comes out "dramwidth".
oh dramwidth.
how i long for your measure at this moment.

dreamwidth account activated.

i saw caroline, or change last night at the guthrie.
it was a FANTASTIC show.
better than anything i've seen in a long time.
tony kushner himself has said that the guthrie's show is closer to his vision than the broadway debut. the only other tony kushner production i've seen is angels in america, which is a powerful show. yet i have to say that there are moments in caroline, or change that are more powerful, in large part due to the talented greta oglesby who plays the title role. she is a woman who really knows how to express herself. but a lot of what i liked best about this show was how kushner holds ideas against each other in ways that make the audience think, and his use of wordplay to highlight ideas.
the title is appropriate, it is largely about change. i need more change in my own life, and more drive to seek it out. it is my opinion that the best theater productions reflect back to the audience and make them think about their own lives. this one does it.
the music is also bloody fantastic.
even the child-actors do a great job, and if they don't hit the notes perfectly every time, they understand their roles and show it.
my only complaint against the whole show was that sometimes when several voices were singing different lyrics at the same time, i could only understand one of them, or sometimes none of them at all.
overall a fantastic show that i highly recommend.


also i got a nap yesterday, which meant i could stay awake for the show.

today will be busy.
i have to:
pick up the comforter at the laundramat
take my car to get the oil changed
send of mom's mother's day gift
get my fanny over to heather's for knit night.

it doesn't sound like that much but i pretty much have to do all of that by 6pm, which is going to feel rushed.

for anyone who hasn't been paying attention, this is what i am doing this weekend.
i am PSYCHED about this. it is going to be amazing.
this is what i anticipate.

my lace-spinning class on sunday
getting a mini-comb as my late xmas gift from ross
meeting up with other ravelers at noon both days near building A.
looking at baskets with tensioned lazy-kates, brilliantly beautiful fleeces from local farms,
finding a source/sources for yarn that is LOCAL
checking out the felting demonstrations and the full-sized yurt!
checking out the peruvian fiber exhibit
petting the bunnies and alpacas and goats
sitting and spinning/knitting with friends(i already know plenty who will be there)
trying not to spend too much money

and probably a million other joys i won't be able to guess about until after i'm there.
you can expect a full report here afterward.

as of yesterday we are officially working toward getting me a motorcycle.
specifically a honda nighthawk. this is because magikay and lada93 are made of awesome.

EDIT: i have been informed that this is incorrect. the bike is actually a rebel 450...which i like even better! woot!

i will be scouting out the options for weekend-long saftey courses.
and some chaps and other protective gear.
this may make me less of a badass, but is also indicative of being smarter than the average bear.

yes, sunmother, i know you hate it. you are free this does not change my decision or my happiness about it.

my main question now is: where are we going to put it? per haps we build a shed this summer?

my back continues to cause me less pain for greater amounts of time. i am completely off the heavy drugs. i am mostly off the alleve.
even went to the gym yesterday and did a half-hour on the elliptical, cool down around the track and some short time with the weight machines. mostly i'm just avoiding twisting motions or heavy lifting.
good stuff.

it is a beautiful day today in the twin cities. it is predicted that today will be the first day reaching 80 degrees since last september. i really wanted to ride my bike to work today...but i need to take the time to fill my tires and get a bike lock that can handle the super-thick locking options i have at 3m. also i didn't get up early enough.
also savil needed some serious butt-trimming this morning(yuck). she didn't let me finish, but she is much less matted & stinky than previously. i think i'm going to need someone to hold her for me to finish.

the routine of working the same daily hours has been good for me to get back to. having a schedule stabilizes me a lot. i'm taking the down-time i need, but i've also been making a point of getting at least SOME chores done around the house every day. it is going a long way toward keeping me sane and keeping the house clean. especially since ross isn't around to help much.

he woke me at 4am this morning to tell me he had a great night at work and everything was coming together and he missed me. and bless him, i WANT him to wake me to tell me things like that. but i could NOT get back to sleep afterward, and i wasn't sleeping well BEFORE he woke me, so i'm feeling it today.

i had a long talk with ceci last night and then my parents.
it was good to re-connect with all of them. i have been so run-down by trying to do too much, and i have been neglecting the people i try to keep in contact with by phone. i miss ross, and i miss doing things with him, but i also feel like his being at work so much is giving me a chance to breathe. i think i need to figure out how to stop sacrificing my down-time so much, especially since he really doesn't need me to (he has said so). the distance gives me time to reflect. it just seems funny that i should need so badly to reflect on such basic things.
it isn't that i'm not being social though. returning long distance phone calls counts as social for me.
also i've been seeing lots of susan lately, which is lovely, going to knitting/spinning groups and today i am getting together with victoria, who i'm not sure i've mentioned before here. she's way cool. i met her on the knitting camping trip last fall. she just had her NINTH baby! most of her pregnancies happened while she was on birth control and there was one set of twins, so don't judge her as another octomom. also she's married and stable.
she's also very funny and creative and cool to be with. i quite like her.
tomorrow is getting together with marie for spinning/knitting whatever and saturday i will be hanging out with christa and ross before he has to go to work in the evening.

i am still enjoying gregory frost - i'm on his second shadowbridge book now, lord tophet. i continue to be pleased with this new find. they have some of the feel of neil gaiman's neverwhere - without neil's darkness. we'll see if this one ends better than the last one.

also i still have not seen watchmen and am put out about it. i was going to see it with ross, but he has no time now and every one else has already seen it.
i have been re-watching the 10th kingdom. the logical result of this is that i have THE TROLL version of saturday night fever going around in my head endlessly. i am simultaneously amused and annoyed.

so apparently i have localized muscle spasms in my back.
the bad news: they hurt like a little mini-explosion in my shoulder blade.
i-forget-to-breathe kind of hurting.
the good news: it's not terribly serious. it should go away in a few days.
also the doctor set me up with the good drugs.
i can take alleve as an anti-inflamatory and minor pain relief so that i can work and do things.
and then i've got hydrocodone for pain and a muscle relaxant so i can sleep.
i just can't take those and then drive.

the crazy news:
i got full perscriptions for TWO seriously strong pain drugs AND a card for my mother for mother's day for $13 - but my BIRTH CONTROL costs me $35 every month.
some world. it's no wonder the poor have so many babies.

died at 10am today.
the funeral will be wednesday we think.
i don't feel like i know what this means.

is in the hospital again.
he had a GI bleed and fell out of bed. the doctors are saying that he's got six months maximum to live. looks like i will be going to chicago again.
he is my last grandparent. i don't want him to suffer, but i do want him to live. we don't always get what we want in life. but those are words of wisdom that i can't bring myself to care about right now.

prayers, good vibes, etc. much appreciated.