happy fourth
Jul. 4th, 2006 11:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
2eclipsethis has been a weird weekend.
i went to the beach with susan on friday. okay, it's not a REAL beach, but beaches on lakes are better than nothing. the water was cold, but nice once you got used to it. guinness (her dog) is very funny. he just lies down in the water and thumps his tail. i got some pretty significant sun and had to have ross do make-up for me for game to cover it up.
game was actually a really good time last week. there were some top notch conversations and rp that involved history i'm too lazy to memorize OOC. i don't like the way "dread prince" thomas charles montgomery is being portrayed. i don't think he is scary enough. but i am having fun manipulating the rest of the ventrue at our meetings. we actually had a productive business meeting. unheard of! lets hope eventually it will be everyone else as well. :)
sunday i went to a wedding reception....at least ostensibly. the bride and groom did a really hard thing. they postponed the wedding after everything was bought and paid for. they really take marriage seriously, and i couldn't have more respect for the fact that they actually showed up after canceling things. it is no fun to get up in front of people when everyone knows something is wrong and is curious about the details.
, the "groom" is military. and the dj made a big spectacal of thanking him for going to war to protect us. a little girl (about 5 and dressed in camo) got up on stage and sang unintelligibly about her soldier-boy. it was sickeningly cute. but i felt SO uncomfortable. like a zit on a perfect face. i couldn't be thankful. i couldn't be proud. i felt ashamed. i didn't do anything (or want to do anything) to ruin someone doing a nice thing for the "groom". i wouldn't have even if i didn't like the guy (he is very nice). but i was deeply confronted by my pacifism in the face of a presentation for hawks. 1) i don't believe that this war would be fought on our soil if it wasn't fought there. 2)almost none of this war has even followed Just War Theory 3)i don't believe in just wars and am horrified by the thought of people killing for my sake, not grateful.
when i realized that the presentation we had all been called to stand up for was about war, i was sickened. and i didn't recover quickly enough to school my face right away. i don't think anyone saw it, or made assumptions about what it was about if they did. ross held me tight and supported me and i was very grateful. he doesn't share my views.
but later he said that i was punishing the soldier for the act of the government. and while i agree with this to an extent, i also hold the soldiers responsible. because there is a choice involved in getting involved with an organization that kills people. i believe that we are responsible for what we do even when we don't know what we are doing. does intent matter? yes. but at the same time i don't think it cancels out the action...and i believe that killing humans is murder. no matter what the reason. are the better and worse circumstances? sure. and i don't believe that i'm going to convince everyone (or even anyone) otherwise. and that is what has me in such a turmoil. because i don't want to punish someone for doing something they think is a favor to others...but at the same time i do. i want to hold them accountable for putting themselves in a position to kill people. i would be grateful for perspectives on this.
after the reception we got root beer floats at a diner and watched the family guy with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
wilderheart and eltanin. sunday we went up to dawn's folk's lake house up in wisconsin and i got crispy out on the lake. we relaxed and played cards and drove back yesterday.
then i went and hung out with brad (new ST for the MSP game) to talk about christianity, pacifism, free will vs. divine sovereignty and music. it was very enjoyable. it is so good when gamers have real interests outside game.
today jerad and rachel are coming over for dinner and then we will go watch fireworks in st. paul with jory and simona. should be a good time.
i went to the beach with susan on friday. okay, it's not a REAL beach, but beaches on lakes are better than nothing. the water was cold, but nice once you got used to it. guinness (her dog) is very funny. he just lies down in the water and thumps his tail. i got some pretty significant sun and had to have ross do make-up for me for game to cover it up.
game was actually a really good time last week. there were some top notch conversations and rp that involved history i'm too lazy to memorize OOC. i don't like the way "dread prince" thomas charles montgomery is being portrayed. i don't think he is scary enough. but i am having fun manipulating the rest of the ventrue at our meetings. we actually had a productive business meeting. unheard of! lets hope eventually it will be everyone else as well. :)
sunday i went to a wedding reception....at least ostensibly. the bride and groom did a really hard thing. they postponed the wedding after everything was bought and paid for. they really take marriage seriously, and i couldn't have more respect for the fact that they actually showed up after canceling things. it is no fun to get up in front of people when everyone knows something is wrong and is curious about the details.
, the "groom" is military. and the dj made a big spectacal of thanking him for going to war to protect us. a little girl (about 5 and dressed in camo) got up on stage and sang unintelligibly about her soldier-boy. it was sickeningly cute. but i felt SO uncomfortable. like a zit on a perfect face. i couldn't be thankful. i couldn't be proud. i felt ashamed. i didn't do anything (or want to do anything) to ruin someone doing a nice thing for the "groom". i wouldn't have even if i didn't like the guy (he is very nice). but i was deeply confronted by my pacifism in the face of a presentation for hawks. 1) i don't believe that this war would be fought on our soil if it wasn't fought there. 2)almost none of this war has even followed Just War Theory 3)i don't believe in just wars and am horrified by the thought of people killing for my sake, not grateful.
when i realized that the presentation we had all been called to stand up for was about war, i was sickened. and i didn't recover quickly enough to school my face right away. i don't think anyone saw it, or made assumptions about what it was about if they did. ross held me tight and supported me and i was very grateful. he doesn't share my views.
but later he said that i was punishing the soldier for the act of the government. and while i agree with this to an extent, i also hold the soldiers responsible. because there is a choice involved in getting involved with an organization that kills people. i believe that we are responsible for what we do even when we don't know what we are doing. does intent matter? yes. but at the same time i don't think it cancels out the action...and i believe that killing humans is murder. no matter what the reason. are the better and worse circumstances? sure. and i don't believe that i'm going to convince everyone (or even anyone) otherwise. and that is what has me in such a turmoil. because i don't want to punish someone for doing something they think is a favor to others...but at the same time i do. i want to hold them accountable for putting themselves in a position to kill people. i would be grateful for perspectives on this.
after the reception we got root beer floats at a diner and watched the family guy with
wilderheart and eltanin. sunday we went up to dawn's folk's lake house up in wisconsin and i got crispy out on the lake. we relaxed and played cards and drove back yesterday.then i went and hung out with brad (new ST for the MSP game) to talk about christianity, pacifism, free will vs. divine sovereignty and music. it was very enjoyable. it is so good when gamers have real interests outside game.
today jerad and rachel are coming over for dinner and then we will go watch fireworks in st. paul with jory and simona. should be a good time.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Doing what you're told
Date: 2006-07-04 05:42 pm (UTC)Second, every time we justify the notion that doing terrible things is all right because it was following orders, we dehumanize ourselves and our most precious gift--free will. No one makes anyone pick up a gun to kill someone. You choose to do it. You might be nuts, chemically imbalanced, or in a blood-red rage, and these are all mitigating factors.
But you still choose to do it.
Re: Doing what you're told
Date: 2006-07-05 06:24 am (UTC)i agree with you about the choices we make. the thing is that i live in the midwest now....and even as liberal as minnesota is, most people support the military. so i have to learn to deal with unexpected situations where stuff like that can happen - without warning. it just sucks. and i didn't want to ruin an act of appreciation for brian. he's a nice guy. i just don't agree with his choice. i can't be happy he decided to make it or thank him for doing it. that doesn't give me the right to make a spectacle and detract from what should be a nice thing for him. if we ever have a chance, maybe we will get to talk about our views....and that could be a lot more productive.
what ross confronted me on is my pride. i am angry for being asked to sit through something like that with no warning. and i totally have a right to my feelings....but the situation was not about me. my reaction didn't do anyone any good. not even myself. what i really need is a constructive way to handle my anger.
Channeling
Date: 2006-07-06 02:49 pm (UTC)I recommend kickboxing. ;)
That aside, I think you handled your anger very well. You didn't make a scene. You didn't throw a fit. You did not disrupt the proceedings. In short, you acted like a mature, responsible adult. Don't be so hard on yourself. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-04 05:59 pm (UTC)hugs
~a
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-05 06:25 am (UTC)country/war/patriotism
Date: 2006-07-04 09:03 pm (UTC)We sang America the Beautiful and Battle Hymn of the Republic in Church this past week. It was not comfortable although I have always loved the songs. I found myself putting aside my former associations and feelings about them and focusing on the other meanings embedded in the words. A. the B is a prayer and the last verse has particular meaning now that in former years I did not notice: "O beautiful for patriot dream that sees beyond the years thine alabaster cities gleam, undimmed by human tears! America America! God mend thine every flaw, confirm thy soul in self-control, thy liberty in law." AMEN
The Battle hymn, I notice, can be understood as the sovereignty of God DESPITE the folly of humankind in war. Though meant to be a hymn for the Union army, it can be understood as a message affirming the presence of God who has a far bigger idea in mind than the union of North and South.
So, happy Fourth of July anyway. I heard somebody refer to it as one of the high holy days of outdoor grilling. Despite it all, I do feel grateful for freedom and to those who won it. I hope we will soon use that freedom to take more charitable actions than we are right now. I voted for Kerry.