(no subject)

the weeks are flying by this spring. it seems much faster than previous springs. maybe i just have more to do?
not sure.

i went to chicago this weekend. FINALLY.
and it was a good weekend to go, despite the rain/snow on the way down and the construction on the way back. i got to see my cousin landon and his new girlfriend...but more importantly i got to see my aunt carole, my uncle tom and my grandpa. and i got to help celebrate my grandpa's 92nd birthday.
that's not small potatoes.
it clearly meant a lot to him to have me there and i feel remiss that i have not gone to chicago more often since i have moved to mn...at the same time...a six hour drive (at least) is not something to sniff at and i have a very busy life. i do want to make sure not to let another year pass before i go again.
we also need to think about visiting ross's grandparents sometime soon. at 3 hours away, it is a bit easier to plan a day trip.
my grandpa and uncle tom are very smart men. i don't think they get a lot of appreciation for being as smart as they are.

on the way back i did some outlet shopping. i probably spent too much money, but with the reduced prices i'm still feeling good about it. i got ross some jeans and short sleeved shirts that he can wear to work...i got myself 2 skirts (one of which was only 5 dollars so i have NO guilt about that). i also got some kitchen stuff and a mother's day gift for sunmother that i'm super excited about.

i've realized that ross and i have different ideas about cleaning. he focuses more on surfaces and i focus more on clutter. he was disappointed that i didn't notice he cleaned the house while i was gone....but the thing is, that there was still clutter everywhere. and even though he had cleaned all the counters, there was stale bread from the night before on the counter that i had to waste because it was so hard. thinking again, i should have put it out for the birds. i feel super guilty for not noticing, and grateful that he did clean...but with the low lighting of evening and the same amount of clutter? it just doesn't make the impression i think he was hoping for. he didn't give me a hard time or anything. i just feel like i disappointed him.

i did not sleep well last night. my body was sore from being in the car so much this weekend. i think i will go in the hot tub and take a nap when i get home.

soon love, soon. hope for the future and my generation

one of the things that makes me nuts is when people just randomly post song lyrics.
i don't mind lyrics, but they have to MEAN something for me to feel like they are worth my time without the music behind them.
so i'm going to tell you about some that are meaning something to me today.

vienna teng continues to be one of my favorite artists. i think spiralshell especially should listen to her. she had GREAT lyric phrases like, "a little flock of boxes and i, surrounded by a painted white unknown" about a new apartment. also she's a kickass pianist who can play bongos and piano at the same time (i've seen her do it, though she doesn't do it on this song), and ACTUALLY nice enough to go out in the crowd and talk to people after her show.
she doesn't write about puppy love although love is a factor in some of her songs. she writes about corporate corruption and gay marriage and religion (although i think she's an atheist) and deciding not to have an abortion and how hard it is to move into a new apartment and lullabies for frightened children...she writes about things all of us go through or know someone who has gone through. she writes about the things she thinks about.
more importantly to me, she writes about things _i_ think about.
her song "soon, love, soon" has been in my head today. it is a song that is full of hope for the future. sunmother and i have had discussions in the past about one difference between her generation(boomers) and mine being our cynicism vs. their hope. they are a generation prefers and identifies with the roadrunner, whereas we almost universally see ourselves in the coyote (this is from a survey/book, i'm not making it up). when i think about this difference, i think yes, this is because my generation is being saddled with SO much in the way of corruption and global warming and national debt that previous generations wracked up for us....and then i think about how little we are doing to change things and feel ill to my stomach.
but that doesn't mean that my generation is without hope. it means that we can't buy into hope that isn't grounded in something...we don't like hope for the sake of hope. we like hope for the sake of...something else. what that something else is varies, depending on the individual.
and what do we hope for? all kinds of things. i hope for the things in this song. i hope for peace and unity without the loss of self-hood. i hope for the understanding that allows for compromise and wisdom. i hope for it to come soon. i don't expect it to be soon, but i hope for it. and my hope is grounded in God, but it is also grounded in the brilliance and the initiative and creativity and kindness of the friends who have supported me in this life and who i continue to meet and be inspired by. it is grounded in the people who i see around me determined to throw their lives against the current in life even when there is no hope they will succeed because of the faith that they can make a difference in this world even if they never see it in their lifetime. this song embodies that hope for me. it also has a pacing and a tone of bittersweet sadness that suggest that it will not come without work. it will not come easily. it will not come in the way that fits our expectations exactly. it will not come without a price. and really, what in life that is worthwhile comes easily? this song holds a hope i can believe in.
it also has kickass backing vocals that suggest something tribal and primitive. that change will not only happen for our intellect and spirituality, but at the deep core of what we are. they bring the kind of passion that comes from the gut and set it square at the heart of the song.
so yeah. everyone should know and love vienna teng.
and these are her lyrics.

( lyrics here )