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[personal profile] 2eclipse
i made it back to mn and realized that there are no songs to sing about this area, state or cities. or at least i have never heard them. this is a crying shame.
new york has songs, philly has songs, new jersey and alabama and georgia and west virginia have songs, lots of cities in california have songs, st. louis has songs. chicago has a whole damn musical. there should be at least one song for this area.

going to chicago was very good and i'm glad i did it.
my grandpa is doing better than i thought. his eyes were bright and his humor was good and he ate quite a bit while i was there. he speaks only in a whisper due to half his throat being paralyzed, and he walks with a cane, but he hasn't given up on life and has high hopes for the treatment he is getting today. i am pleased and releaved that i don't have to plan on him dying soon.

and i think it was a good thing for the family in general that i was there. not that i did much besides make soup for grandpa and keep him company, but it was a healing thing that i (and my folks for that matter) showed up and proved our investment in the family. it was a weekend about duty.
i have mixed feelings about duty to family. part of me feels like things done only for the sake of duty are hollow, and that duty traps people with guilt in ways that are unhealthy.
but part of me feels like doing things out of duty alone can be a good thing. something to be proud of. something that builds character through doing the right thing even when it doesn't feel fun, or even especially about love. sometimes love is an ACTION, not a feeling....and it is okay for that to be all you have to give. we can't always choose how we feel, but we can choose what we do. our actions, our attitude....and duty can be an important way of showing love in a way that has the power to change us - even if we don't go into the act feeling loving. like i said....mixed feelings.

it was wonderful to see [livejournal.com profile] skia and [livejournal.com profile] pbergson. pam is possibly the best hostess ever. i am NOT used to having coffee preparations left out for me the night before. i had a nice time hanging out with them during the brief time we had together when i wasn't in la grange or woodridge.

i also forgot to call ross and let him know i was in safe. and i left my phone in the car (i thought it was in my bag)and so when he called i wasn't there and he freaked out. i felt terrible for a lot of the weekend for scaring him. then i came home and found that he had put the tile up around the fireplace and put sub-flooring down in the main room of the basement. he astonishes me.

sometimes the world really socks it to me in ways that bring me face to face with my own hubris. it is an uncomfortable awareness that i value, but don't know how to hang on to.

also. i'm so tires i almost didn't come to work this morning. i am wiped in a way i can't even describe. i need a week of down-time.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-02 10:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rengetsu.livejournal.com
uh er I don't know what music floats your boat, but I'm actually kind of a fan of Atmosphere. They will occasionally mention St. Paul or the twin cities in their music, for instance in Multiples:

-And this goes to those
*Who tag and paint walls with aerosol
lost city from Minneapolis to St. Paul

There's tons of music about Tennessee... Memphis, knoxville, nashville (especially). Being the country music hub they are mostly about headin' back to nashvuhl to see mah sweet baybeh tuhnaaaaht.

and I feel that way about my family too--the thing about duty. I love them all very dearly but sometimes I do only do things because of a sense of duty. they can actually be kind of mean/critical of me but I hold my tongue a lot of the time because they are family, and I can't exactly avoid them the rest of my life.

Well. I could. But I choose not to. And, like you said, we can't always choose how we feel, but we can choose what we do. Exactament!

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-03 02:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 2eclipse.livejournal.com
i will have to look into this when i am not at work.
i'm not much of a country fan, but i do like a lot of "classics" like roger miller, patsy cline and johnny cash.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-03 03:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rengetsu.livejournal.com
one of my favorite songs by Atmosphere is "Dirty Girl", hehe.

yeah I much prefer the classics to the new 'pop country' stuff. There are a few artists like Josh Turner who I think have the talent and personality to really be more than just a blip on the radar--and sort of become 'new classics' i guess. i was at the ryman for a show one night and i overheard some younger girl going "who's marty robbins?" and it made my heart weep...

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-03 03:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rengetsu.livejournal.com
OH! and how could I forget Tom Waits?

Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis

hey Charley I'm pregnant
and living on 9-th street
right above a dirty bookstore
off cuclid avenue
and I stopped taking dope
and I quit drinking whiskey
and my old man plays the trombone
and works out at the track.

and he says that he loves me
even though its not his baby
and he says that he'll raise him up
like he would his own son
and he gave me a ring
that was worn by his mother
and he takes me out dancin
every saturday nite.

and hey Charley I think about you
everytime I pass a fillin' station
on account of all the grease
you used to wear in your hair
and I still have that record
of little anthony & the imperials
but someone stole my record player
how do you like that?

there's more but I'll stop there so I don't take over your comments page >_> hehe

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-03 03:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 2eclipse.livejournal.com
ack!
i LOVE tom waits. but i didn't know this song!
what album is it off of?

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-03 03:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rengetsu.livejournal.com
LOL I'm not sure actually, my husband put it on a Christmas CD he made for me last year :-x . The majority of my knowledge of music comes from either him or my brothers, who are all music fiends...

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