dark day dreaming

[2eclipse]

another thing i haven't probably mentioned is that i have never before experienced the delusional value of pain and pain medication. after tonight i will probably never be able to cope with pain without big furry hats, wards against the evil eye and unintelligible russian nattering pheonix930 perhaps you can help me with some, yes?
here and there before tonight i had seen many small (say quarter sized) dogs hidden in ross's pockets, my cat masquerading as a skinny black poodle. and any small picture made up in my head to go with a story would decide to take up it's own story line without permission. a half-dozen men with white hair in lab coats will suddenly have their heads replaced with puffball mushrooms. i won't even talk about what my dreams are like i mostly forget them because they make no sense. the only sad thing is the proof that my subconscious is SO much more creative and clever than my conscious mind. if i could harness this while i was awake? i would be j.k. rowling and have millions of dollars and could spend my days thinking about charitable organizations to fund.
tonight my last hit of pain was accompanied by a russian woman driving a spear into my jaw (which really hurt btw) and shouting about how it was a travesty to women every where that the other side of my jaw didn't have to hurt as bad.. i was then confronted with mobs of russian grandmothers demanding to be heard. "what's wrong, i said, clutching my jaw. "we thought you wouldn't want us to share your pain."
so now the generations of russian womankind share my pain. it's alright i guess. it doesn't hurt any less, but at least they can cook and hold their vodka. also i am no longer the only one with bad breathe. having your tonsils out gives you breath like you've been eating corpses. hmmmm...zombie russan grandmas...this has potential. anyone got any ideas about harnessing the creative power of a million russian grandmas? or a million zombie grandmas if that fails?
i really hope this doesn't set the pattern for the night.

Comments

[ashoe.livejournal.com]

wow. My intense and sincere sympathies. I've never experienced anything like that.It sounds freaky!

*hug*

~a

[2eclipse.livejournal.com]

it WAS freaky. and the weirdest thing is that i wasn't even on the serious pain meds - just tylenol and the antibiotic. the doctor thinks it may have been a combination of dehydration and the pain. although i've been drinking pretty much non-stop when i'm awake.

[cuddlejunkie1.livejournal.com]

My only experience with hallcenating with sleeping meds. The rest I have never experience, hugs and sympathies!

[keisolo.livejournal.com]

And now, unfortunately, you have experience with exactly WHY I don't use pain meds unless I absolutely have to. Not that using whiskey instead is neccesarily healthy - but my subconscious is noisy and productive enough when it does not have a handy lever to use to get louder.

Much comfort and empathy.

[2eclipse.livejournal.com]

i have the greatest respect for such things, but as i stated to ashoe, the weirdest thing about it is that i had been off the serious pain meds for 2 days when this happened (back on them now after a doc's visit and anti-nausea adjustment). i was on children's tylenol (in high doses, but not high enough that the doctor wasn't SERIOUSLY pissed at the triage nurse who told us we could substitute) and some very strong antibiotics. that's it. just my brain and tylenol....so weird.
anyway most of my visions were funny. or weird like the one i described....but after that my night was pretty much terror and pain and sweat and delirium and i think i went a little crazy. i am SO grateful that my folks were here so that my mom could clean the room physically and that ross could clear it spiritually before i had to go back in there. i was honestly afraid to be in there alone. that night is one more push in my belief that the biggest evils for us to fear are the ones inside ourselves. something came out of my subconscious during the crazy spell that i wish didn't exist. it was terrifying.

[keisolo.livejournal.com]

Ouch.
And true. *internal vs external* In my experience, anyway. Exterior easier to see and less painful in the most intrinsic senses, to fight. (opinion, of course).

Well, if you end up wanting to poke at it or talk about it - I'm open, if needed.

A Thought

[durlindana.livejournal.com]

Funny things happen when imaginative people are put on pain meds. That's the weird thing about modern pain medicine; whatever 'brain door' it closes to shut out the hurt is compensated for by opening a great big window into the world of dreams.

Sounds like your particular window opened with a view towards the steppes and Baba Yaga. The Crone takes a most interesting form in her Russian incarnation. You may find this interesting, if you're in any state to read off a computer screen:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baba_yaga

Anyway, much sympathy and best wishes. Get in touch when you can.

Re: A Thought

[2eclipse.livejournal.com]

i LOVE baba yaga stories!
the chic who stabbed me was young and hot, so i don't think it was her...and the grandma's were uniformly well-meaning....but i thought of her too the next morning.
have you read enchantment by orson scott card? if you haven't i think you would like it.

Re: A Thought

[durlindana.livejournal.com]

No 'Enchantment' as yet. I've just added it to my (too long) reading list.

Interesting that you were wounded by a young woman, with old women giving you sympathy. The whole thing seems (I guess) to be reaching towards finding significance in pain. But that's just a guess; it could have been just a pain-med fever dream.

In any case, continued best wishes for your recuperation.

[choel.livejournal.com]

When I had my tonsils out about 6 years ago... it was horrendous... couldn't eat for what seem liked months... the liquid vicodin they gave me for pain tasted like ass and eventually I overdosed and vomitted for about 2 days... (even worse pain than the original pain). I believe that was actually on valentines day. Pudding, jello, ice cream and mashed potatoes were my best friends! Good luck I truly understand what you're going through. It will get better!!!!

[2eclipse.livejournal.com]

that sounds even worse than what i've been dealing with. i think i went 3 days without eating anything (albeit soft noodles aren't very exciting). the weird thing is that i've had this weird aversion to anything sweet! the doc says that it sometimes happens that your taste nerves get effected by the procedure making you hate something, but that it should revert to normal in a week or so.
thanks for your well wishes.:)
hope you are doing well too.