you will be assimilated....
Apr. 26th, 2005 09:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
2eclipseso i finally gave in and paid for my account. if anyone wants to see what i looked like with short hair or as a piper, i put a couple pics up.
the credo paper is progressing. it is now edited and i am actually writing new material! thank you to everyone who has been so supportive n' stuff.
i can't decide if this whole ordeal is an exercise in manufacturing reality according to my whim....am i supposed to be describing christianity as i understand it to actually exist? or essentially creating my own denominational theology.....maybe i should just start the "church of heather" and have done with it, because what is ending up on the paper pretty much has gripes with every church i've ever visited or attended. was your experience like this too brian? i think a lot of people agree with me, but no one with my theology in its entirety.
i feel....transparent. like i'm not really here. half my heart is in MN and the other half i am forcing into my work so that i can pretend i don't hurt inside and out. i hate second-guessing every interaction i have with people....like i'm constantly trying to hide the fact that i can only half-way pay attention to anything that is not work or packing to move....or maybe it is just that those are the only things i don't feel guilty paying attention to. in anycase, i hope you all can forgive me.
i don't mean to be a lousy friend. in fact i am more and more conscious of how much i am leaving behind and grieving inside already. but i am only half joking when i say that the zombies have eaten my brain or that the squid-people have taken over. i don't feel like i have much to give, or that what i have to give is very human.
here's the funny thing.
whenever anyone asks me how i'm doing, i say "excellent" and i mean it. i am stretched, i'm taking lousy care of myself, i can't use the hot tub because my dad won't clean it and i don't have time to do it myself, i'm losing my fucking mind with work.....but i'm happy.
i must be a pod-person
the credo paper is progressing. it is now edited and i am actually writing new material! thank you to everyone who has been so supportive n' stuff.
i can't decide if this whole ordeal is an exercise in manufacturing reality according to my whim....am i supposed to be describing christianity as i understand it to actually exist? or essentially creating my own denominational theology.....maybe i should just start the "church of heather" and have done with it, because what is ending up on the paper pretty much has gripes with every church i've ever visited or attended. was your experience like this too brian? i think a lot of people agree with me, but no one with my theology in its entirety.
i feel....transparent. like i'm not really here. half my heart is in MN and the other half i am forcing into my work so that i can pretend i don't hurt inside and out. i hate second-guessing every interaction i have with people....like i'm constantly trying to hide the fact that i can only half-way pay attention to anything that is not work or packing to move....or maybe it is just that those are the only things i don't feel guilty paying attention to. in anycase, i hope you all can forgive me.
i don't mean to be a lousy friend. in fact i am more and more conscious of how much i am leaving behind and grieving inside already. but i am only half joking when i say that the zombies have eaten my brain or that the squid-people have taken over. i don't feel like i have much to give, or that what i have to give is very human.
here's the funny thing.
whenever anyone asks me how i'm doing, i say "excellent" and i mean it. i am stretched, i'm taking lousy care of myself, i can't use the hot tub because my dad won't clean it and i don't have time to do it myself, i'm losing my fucking mind with work.....but i'm happy.
i must be a pod-person
