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2eclipsei'm fasting for lent.
at home and with my girls is where i feel the love of God these days, not at church.
i'm having such trouble with my church right now that i don't feel connected to the love of God at all there right now. i've thought about writing to the senior pastor, but he has already talked to me about my personal issues with him. he is a stumbling block for me in his lack of welcome to communion. he has heard me and does not seem to care. what he says is that, "i just don't understand why anyone would want to come to communion who didn't want to know christ better." i look at my younger self, who had no understanding really of why christ was important and say, "it doesn't matter if you understand or not. it only matters that the table be open unconditionally. completely unconditionally. God puts no conditions on his love for us." and the congregation wants me to fit their minnesota mold where nobody shares their nastier selves in favor of pretending they are all good christians. christ was the only good christian. everyone else just tries.
i am having trouble belonging to a church that doesn't help me feel like i belong. i resent the idea that some of my feelings are 'not okay" there and that they have no tolerance for the darker side of human nature. to me that means they deny their own sinfulness.
i went and joined choir for a while to try to get to know people better.
the choir is pretty good musically, and they do interesting music. but they are all made of stone.
there is no sense of community between the choir. or if there is, i'm shut out of it. the people who like me still keep me at arms length. they come and say nice things like, "heather i'm so glad you're here." but i know that they have no idea who i am. and that's really the problem in general. i think the church doesn't know me and doesn't want to know me, except for maybe 3 or 4 people. and that's not enough for me. i want to feel like i have friends in church. i want to feel like there is real caring that doesn't shrink from real feelings and knows and understands that God has a sense of humor. i blame methodism and i blame minnesota and probably myself for not being more charming and wonderful. and yet God is supposed to love you when you are not charming and wonderful. and a methodist church in minnesota is what i want.
there are a lot of things i like about my church. i like how progressive it is. i like that it does a lot. i like...maybe 4 or 5 people there who i feel have let me in. but i feel like they are all afraid to argue with me. how can the embodiment of christ be afraid to argue when there is so much to argue about?!
and i have this entitled idea like there should be a church within 5 miles of me that is good and real and full of discipleship.
i'm not ready to give up on this place yet, but i do not rule it out.
at home and with my girls is where i feel the love of God these days, not at church.
i'm having such trouble with my church right now that i don't feel connected to the love of God at all there right now. i've thought about writing to the senior pastor, but he has already talked to me about my personal issues with him. he is a stumbling block for me in his lack of welcome to communion. he has heard me and does not seem to care. what he says is that, "i just don't understand why anyone would want to come to communion who didn't want to know christ better." i look at my younger self, who had no understanding really of why christ was important and say, "it doesn't matter if you understand or not. it only matters that the table be open unconditionally. completely unconditionally. God puts no conditions on his love for us." and the congregation wants me to fit their minnesota mold where nobody shares their nastier selves in favor of pretending they are all good christians. christ was the only good christian. everyone else just tries.
i am having trouble belonging to a church that doesn't help me feel like i belong. i resent the idea that some of my feelings are 'not okay" there and that they have no tolerance for the darker side of human nature. to me that means they deny their own sinfulness.
i went and joined choir for a while to try to get to know people better.
the choir is pretty good musically, and they do interesting music. but they are all made of stone.
there is no sense of community between the choir. or if there is, i'm shut out of it. the people who like me still keep me at arms length. they come and say nice things like, "heather i'm so glad you're here." but i know that they have no idea who i am. and that's really the problem in general. i think the church doesn't know me and doesn't want to know me, except for maybe 3 or 4 people. and that's not enough for me. i want to feel like i have friends in church. i want to feel like there is real caring that doesn't shrink from real feelings and knows and understands that God has a sense of humor. i blame methodism and i blame minnesota and probably myself for not being more charming and wonderful. and yet God is supposed to love you when you are not charming and wonderful. and a methodist church in minnesota is what i want.
there are a lot of things i like about my church. i like how progressive it is. i like that it does a lot. i like...maybe 4 or 5 people there who i feel have let me in. but i feel like they are all afraid to argue with me. how can the embodiment of christ be afraid to argue when there is so much to argue about?!
and i have this entitled idea like there should be a church within 5 miles of me that is good and real and full of discipleship.
i'm not ready to give up on this place yet, but i do not rule it out.
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κοινωνία
Date: 2007-02-26 07:11 pm (UTC)κοινωνία = koinonia (kinda.) It means, at its simplest form "community" but in practice, it is way more than that. The New Testament church did everything together... Ate, slept (now don't look at me like that!), worked, and built together... Including worship, prayer, and their whole experience of God...
Just like the Greek word συναγωγή, which is synagogue, and in Hebrew, בית כנסת, which means to gather together... In Hebrew it is like "assembly hall"... This is the foundation of the Hebrew religious experience, after worship in the temple ceased. "To gather together..." This stuff doesn't talk about God, but that is where God is worshipped... God is worshipped 7 days a week wherever you are, and on šhabbat (Sabbath) is when we chill out, and hang out (koinonia) with our brothers and sisters and worship communally... I think that the fellowship you have there is almost as important as what takes place there. Sunday is not the day of worshiping God, that is seven days a week, 24 hours a day. Sunday is when you gather, and learn, and eat, and fellowship, and just be with eachother in God's presence... Maybe we look at church a little different these days.
Communion... same exact word as koinonia.
Communion means fellowship and a close relationship with Christians, individuals, a church, communing with God. That is what Jesus was talking about when he gave them wine and bread. He was saying fellowship with eachother while you fellowship with God. Do this WHENEVER YOU MEET (not only on the first sunday of the month).
I think the Methodists have it right. ANYONE can take communion, even if you are saved, unsaved, have been baptized, haven't been... Buddhist, Mormon, Hindu, Muslim... They just say something like anyone can take if if they want to live in relationship with God and with one another. I am saying this, and I am not Methodist... Though my denomination came about from a revival in the methodist church...
Re: κοινωνία
Date: 2007-02-26 08:28 pm (UTC)The tradition would seem to point to needing to be a baptised Xian to recieve the Eucharist.
I think it will be interesting to sit back and see how the Methodists will hammer this issue out at General Conferance 08. One of the resolutions being brought forward is to restrict the Eucharist to only those who have a baptism. Thus and Xian could take it... but not any religion.
And what was Jesus talking about when he gave them the bread and said "This is my body"... well that all depends on what your definition of is, is.... doesn't it? Ah, and we laughed at Clinton for saying that. But the Church has been fighting over what "is" is for centuries.
The once a month thing i don't like either... but i belive that comes out of the circuit rider tradition, no?
Re: κοινωνία
Date: 2007-02-26 08:45 pm (UTC)