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(no subject)

gah.
my sister's dog died.
lymphoma.
it was a schnauzer who barked ALL the time. i HATED that dog. it had all kinds of aggression problems too.
but my sister will be totally torn up about it.
so now i have the dilemma....is it unethical for me to send a card given how much i hated that dog?

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I personally don't see how it's unethical for you to support your sister in her time of need.

Maybe one way you can look at it is trying to comparativley value people's pain. For example, it makes no sense of course to question why one person who looses their job is devastated and suicidal while another person loses his wife or child and does not spiral into severe depression. The two are not comparable.

From your perspective, that annoying dog having died is not painful at all. For your sister, it's devastating.

I hope this makes some sense hun. You've been so helpful to me in sorting out your thoughts I welcome the oppourtuntiy to reciprocate.

i agree those two things are apples and oranges.
my beef is more along the lines of trying not to be dishonest.

you send a card because you are sorry your sister is suffering and you want her to know you are thinking about her and hoping she feels better soon. as far as i'm concerned, a sympathy card, even for a human, has not much to do with the deceased but rather with those suffering the loss. all the more so when the deceased is an animal.
the only unethical thing would be to write about how much you'll miss the dog. i would see it as far more unethical to not reach out to your sister when she is suffering, simply because you are not suffering too.

i thought of that too. that's part of why i feel torn. because aren't we responsible for the misconceptions that we allow for as well as the things we actually say? if this were a different kind of issue and i allowed her to assume that i gave two shits about that dog she could be very hurt/pissed when she found out otherwise. in this particular situation she is not likely to ever know, but i think it is worth considering.

wouldn't she be more hurt if she thought you didn't care about what was going through?

and 'i'm sorry for your loss, i know you must be feeling terrible, i hope you feel better', etc. doesn't say anything about you liking her dog, it says you're sorry she's suffering.

i think you are right about that.
and it is probably what i will do. i think it is just one of those situations where you can't feel entirely good about the situation.

Use your mad Ventrue skillz!

"I'm sorry for your loss" technically not a lie. You didn't like the dog, but you're sad for your sister.

"I know how much he meant to you", et cetera

Stuff like that.

*dies laughing*
i am convinces one of the reasons sarnait never got very far is my crappy lying and my immense feelings of guilt for such things.
thank you.

Card is for the person, not the dog.
If that makes sense?

oh yes, but how honest am i being to my sister if i send her a card expressing regret i don't feel about the dog? wording on these things is tricky...and what if she reads into the card something i don't mean? i don't actually remember what i decided to do about this. i think i sent her an e-mail so i could choose the words.

Amusingly enough, had this conversation occured when this entry was written, that's about what I would have advised, given your issues and thoughts on it.
I've always approached such things from the perspective of the fact that I AM sorry for the loss, due to how it will affect the individual in question, rather than whether or not I, personally, will miss the pet or person being mourned.

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