2eclipse: (Default)
it seems like life has ganged up on me in terms of new experiences. i feel like i am still reeling from nonclave and all of the fun, new people i met, the start of school, my disolving love life and now this:

today i went to church early with mom for the purpose of giving blood. i don't like giving blood, but i quite like being part of the %5 of the population that does it. i am O+, which adds to the pressure.
however, it was not wise for me to do this after a week on the stress and starvation diet (i AM eating, just not the way i usually would). it was even more foolish of me to FORGET one of the critical blood-giving rules. EAT FIRST! i skipped breakfast this morning. too tired to think.
and so as very-kind, very-gentle nurse julie was taking the needle out of my arm i promptly passed out. i could have sworn that i told her i was feeling light-headed when the blood pressure sleeve stopped squeezing my arm, but apparently i was too busy loosing conciousness. i felt funny, then saw black spots and then i was abruptly dreaming....until suddenly my legs were tense and there was freezing cold water all over my head and neck. on top of passing out, i had tried to get up and walk out. NOT the brightest idea for an unconcious person to have. but the fun didn't stop there!
i chilled out for a while in the chair and a while in the cantine before making my way to the service. somewhere during the first hymn i realized standing for long periods of time was not a good idea just yet. i promptly sat, then got progressively lighter-headed, nauseated and hot. i was hyper-ventelating with about three people fanning me with their programs when my mom went to go get the nurses to take me back to a cot where they could watch me, stuff me with soda and soak me with ice water again. i officially made a scene in the middle of church.

i have spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing, eating chinese-food and reading stuff that i really shouldn't be in light of how much homework i have left. friends i don't know how many of ya'll give blood, but i highly reccommend you EAT FIRST. hope someone will kick me in the head the next time i do anything that stupid.

had another hard talk with z yesterday. i hate having to rub his nose in the fact that i broke up with him. he is being such a gentleman and so very respectful. he seems to be learning so much about himself. end result is that he wants to be my friend and i have agreed. but with the understanding that it will take time.
each of us will leave the door open to the other when we can handle each other again. additionally, i will help him look at apartments and help him cozy one up once he gets one. it is so hard to be lonely. so hard to start over.

MAD LOVE to abby and eryq and andrew kern and jen and martin and all those who have been so INCREDIBLY supportive during this crappiness and melodrama. especially since i haven't even been to game. slack on the appearance duties.

i am still having some hard arguments in my head from my last human rights class. are human right something innately within us because we are human? or are they conferred by a political organization? my inclination is to say both. but then we are stuck with defining them. do we allow our legal entities to decide what people have rights to and what they don't? are the callous lines drawn between who gets healthcare and who doesn't right? or somehow necessary for the preservation of the institutions that hold up and enforce those human rights? or does an ethic of kindness and love demand from us that we take care of our own and stretch that concept over people we think do not belong and do not earn a productive place for themselves in society?

would anyone like to weigh in on this? i would be very interested to hear what ya'll have to say.
2eclipse: (Default)
too much real drama going on to be interested in making up my own for the moment.
some of you already know this, but i broke up with z this week.
it has been a long time in coming. things haven't been the same since i moved back to virginia.

seminary has changed me unimaginably in a year. in ways that please me. but z didn't take an interest in the changes. i have been talking to him about my fears and problems for about nine months, but neither of us took the issues as seriously as we should have. denial is a powerful thing. i am sorry to lose all that is wonderful about him. this has been the first successful relationship of my life and i still love him. but not enough to wait for him to change.
there are more details....but they are too personal to talk about in a blog.
suffice to say that i am in a bit of a limbo state right now trying to get z to accept that i really do mean it. and trying to treat him decently. he is a good man and a real catch for the right girl.

the rest of my life is joyful. friends i hadn't even realized i could count on have reached out to me. old friends that i did know i could count on have given me sound advice in ways that haven't scared me or made me think i am crazy.
my parents, who love z like a son, have been supportive and helpful.
my semester is stimulating and an excellent distraction from a heavy heart. i am excited, i am enthused, and there is a newness and freedom in my life that has nothing to do with any of this.

i have a heavy heart for the one i am hurting. please pray for him if your outlook allows it. and for me that i will be gentle, but not too gentle.

doh!

Aug. 28th, 2004 09:07 am
2eclipse: (Default)
still fighting off sickness.
rockin' time at game thurs. night. very busy. i was very impressed by RP from martin and john. found some new directions for character development of my own as well. but i think i may have been running a slight fever by the end of game.

yesterday i woke up at 8 and couldn't sleep. don't ask me why, i think it is ungodly too. mainly because i didn't have work. z suggested nyquil. friends, this was heather j. hall's first introduction to nyquil and let me tell you i'm a convert. aside from the fact that my typing/spelling became progressively worse as the sedatives began to kick in. i got in a 3 hour nap before driving up to PA for the weekend. good thing too.
i asked z if i should bring some up to PA, but he said they had some already. this morning i wake up at 7 - even more ungodly! and there is NO nyquil. z went out and got me some. i think i have the sweetest boyfriend ever! i didn't even ask. he just did it. now THAT is love.

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2eclipse

August 2009

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